The freedom of your first ever holiday with your mates, where everyone’s up for it… and anything goes. Cheap booze… I am really drunk. Leave me alone. ..dirty dancing… ..and that all-important independence… Argh! ..away from Mum and Dad. – I hope my mum never watches this.
– Sorry, Dad! But what the teenagers don’t know is that the parents are coming, too. That’s disgusting! Secretly watching… Can we have just five minutes? He’s an absolute bloody disgrace, he is. ..sneakily spying… ..and outrageously hiding… Tricky. Tricky. ..all to see if their kids can stand on their own two feet. It’s the one thing we didn’t want to see. I’m starting to wonder if I even know Ashley. I’m shocked. – He’s dead.
– SHE SCREAMS Will the parents like what they see… You’ve turned from a girl to a woman. ..as the teenagers get the shock of their lives? – What?!
– Oh! Oh, my God! Why are you on my holiday? Coming up… Can two very different teens survive a week away from Mum and Dad? 18-year-old mummy’s girl, Chani… Thanks, Mummy. Love you. ..waves goodbye to her worrier mum… I don’t want to know about that. ..and lets rip! Cheeky Kent boy Max… – That is known as a tactical.
– A tactical chunder. ..leaves behind his young-at-heart dad… – Chicks will dig him.
– Oh, God. ..and his inhibitions… Have my shorts fallen down? ..but when the parents go undercover, will they cope with what they see? Oh, my God! Or will it all prove too much? I think you should have “right tit” put across your chest. In Reading, 18-year-old Chani is preparing for a girly week away with her mates. I’m not too worried about embarrassing myself, really. I kind of just go out there and do whatever I feel like doing. Erm… We’re quite heavy drinkers. Almost certain one of us will be sick on a night out. Yeah, I’d say we’re badly behaved. I can’t really think of a way to make it sound good. Chani, do you want one of butter and one of Marmite? Yeah, please. This is Chani’s first ever holiday away from her parents, and mum Kim is worried about how she’ll cope without anyone to wait on her hand and foot. I do most things for Chani. She can’t do anything on her own, really. – Half and half.
– Thanks, Mummy. Love you. – Love you.
– She’ll bring me breakfast and a cup of tea, and then she’ll make my bed and I’ll sit there and do my make-up. Think you could do a little bit more to help Mummy, especially the loading of the dishwasher. No, we don’t want that. She just doesn’t lift a finger. She…she’ll get up in enough time because she’ll want to make sure that she looks nice for the day, but that’s about it, really. I’d probably put it into a little pot to take. – No.
– Well, Mummy’ll put it in a little pot for you.
– OK. Kim spends her life fussing over mummy’s girl Chani. And up till now, she’s been happy to keep her head firmly in the sand when it comes to her daughter’s wild social life. I know Chani’s whereabouts, but not what she would get up to, necessarily, because I wouldn’t want to know all the time what Chani’s doing. So, unbeknown to Chani, mum Kim’s decided to go on the trip because she thinks it’s time to face the truth, and she also wants to see how Chani copes with independence. It’s me cutting the apron strings this holiday. That’s why I don’t like Facebook, because you just find out things. – But it’s good to find out.
– It is. It is good. Helping Kim confront her fears about her daughter is sister Shelly, who’ll be coming, too. The less that she knows, the happier she is about it, but obviously being there and seeing what the girls get up to, she’s not going to be able to get away from it, she’ll have to face up to it. I need shoes, I need accessories. And Chani’s first test of independence is to start budgeting her own money and stop borrowing from Mum. Very seldom does she ever pay me back, no. Chani gets to keep most of her money that she earns. You can fold my dungarees. I had to take her bank card away from her because she couldn’t keep within going overdrawn. A great night out would definitely be minimum cost and maximum fun. Chani’s dream was to go to dance college, but pressure on the family finances means that now, having left school, she’s got to find herself a job. I thought that Chani would still be in education or dance college for another three years, and now she has to go and get a job. That’s what I do! I definitely think that time away from my mum will help me sort of like find where I need to be. People working abroad and I’ll just be like, “I could do that, “I really want to do that.” So it’s going to change my mind about a lot of things. – To Kos. ALL:
– Cheers! Joining Chani on her first ever holiday without Mum will be her three closest mates… I don’t really think there’s anything that I don’t want to do. ..up-for-it Poppy… Issy, I think you’re going to be like the mother of the holiday, looking after us. I’ll make sure we get home OK. ..mother of the group Issy… And Natalie, you’re just the lightweight, aren’t you? I’ll just be on the floor after a drink. ..and lightweight Natalie. What am I, though? What’s my nickname? It’s The Show-off. With no idea that her mum will be spying on her while she’s away, there’s one thing that Chani and all the girls are looking forward to. If we go back and we haven’t got with a guy, then it kind of like tells us we haven’t had a very good night, and if you come back and you’ve got with, like, I don’t know, ten guys, then you’ve had a good night. Oh no, I don’t need to know about that. I don’t WANT to know about that. It makes me come over all peculiar. No, no, no, no, no, no, no. No, they can’t possibly be doing that. We’re so excited about going on our holiday. We’ll count it down. We’ll get on our little Facebook chat and be like, “Ten days left! Nine days left!” Down in Kent, 18-year-old Max is looking forward to the ultimate lads’ holiday. A great night out for us is like all of us going out, having a laugh, getting drunk, having fun. Cheers, lads. I’ve pulled while we’ve been out and my mates have told me the next day, I’m like, “Oh, you’re joking. I don’t remember that at all.” Max lives at home with his parents and it will be down to dad Geoff to find out whether he’s a chip off the old block. He’ll have a very good time out there. In fact, he’ll love it out there. Chicks will dig him. Oh, my God! He’s stuck in the ’70s, ain’t he? And you don’t say “Chicks will dig him” any more. He’s a laugh, my dad’s a laugh, I get on really well with him, but sometimes he says… He thinks he’s one of us. He still thinks he’s our age. I’m working tonight. Oh, are ya? Dad Geoff is looking forward to the chance to relive his youth on this trip because back in the day, he worked as a holiday rep. I’ve had my day. My day was 25 years ago, but I’m quite looking forward to seeing their day as it is now. I can’t see it changing that much, but I might be wrong. But there’s one thing Dad definitely doesn’t want to see. As long as he doesn’t do anything stupid out there, like come back with unwanted tattoos or… ..that he may regret for the next 50 years. I don’t have a tattoo yet. Promised the boys I’m going to get one. Hopefully, I can man up a little bit and get it done. Lovely! There’s always a little bit of concern when your youngest is away on his own, but the beauty is that I’m going to be out there and be able to watch exactly what he’s doing. They say that they’d bang anything with a pulse. For Max, the holiday will mark a major turning point in his life, because while he’s away, he’ll receive his A level results. I’m shitting myself about my results, if I’m honest. I’m getting one of my mates to pick ’em up for me and then he’ll give me a ring. If Max gets the right grades, he’ll get the chance to go to university. I’ve got to get three Bs to get in, well, 300 points to get into Brighton, which is my first choice. So then, um, if I don’t get into that, then I’m thinking about doing maybe a season abroad. But Geoff isn’t keen on Max’s plans to work the resorts. He’d rather see his son become the very first member of the family to get a degree. – Well, at the end of day, it is down to you, but I…
– Yeah. ..but I think you should go straight into uni. It’s just depending on if I get my results. I just want to get rid of ya. If you don’t find out on results day, then you know they’re not very good. Joining Max on the holiday are three lifelong mates… When I get a drink in me I think I’m a bit of a ladies’ man. ..wannabe Casanova Joe… I think I’m the sensible one. Well, I try to be. ..the grown-up of the group, Tom… I’m the dopey one that comes out with weird, weird comments. ..and James, the fall guy. – If you spill a drink…
– You gotta lick it.
– ..then spillage is lickage. Despite thinking he’s one of the lads, dad Geoff doesn’t know everything, and he hopes this trip will teach him a thing or two about his son. I’m looking forward to seeing what he’s like without him knowing that I’m there, to be honest with you. And top priority is finding out how much booze his son really packs away on a night out. I’d like to think he knows his limits, but what is his limit? Is his limit when he falls over or when, “I’ve had enough”? 99% of the time I don’t remember a single thing of the night before. Things are getting desperate. I don’t know that much about his love life, to be honest. He plays his cards close to his chest with his little ladies. I’m not looking for a relationship, never have done. I’ve never had a serious girlfriend, anything like that. Just don’t really see any benefit in it, really. I am very proud of Max. Come the end of next week, it may be a different story, but on the whole, in general, he’s grown up into a nice young gentleman. Just dump your cases and go straight out, that’s the best thing to do. After a last word of advice from Dad… Look after yourself. ..Max says his goodbyes. – See you when I’m back.
– Yeah. See ya later, boys. Keep an eye on each other while you’re out there, because I’ll be keeping an eye on you. We’ll just chuck our stuff down, put a T-shirt on, get out on the strip. Have it! I’m coming. Oh, why do we have steps? And it’s time for the mummy’s girl to go it alone. – Don’t forget be good.
– I will.
– All of you be good. – I love you.
– Love you, too. Bye. Oh, dear, she’s going to kill me. Well, I don’t think she’ll believe it. We definitely need to get drinks as soon as we get to the airport. – Is it too early to have a drink?
– No. Love you. Little do the teens know that their parents will be joining them. Both groups are heading to the sparkling Greek island of Kos, considered to be the jewel of the Aegean Sea. It’s also one of the hottest party islands. Right now! And every year, one million hedonists descend, looking for cheap booze and cheap thrills. For Max and his mates… their week of freedom starts here. – Going to get absolutely smashed.
– Rat-arsed. – Proper lagging.
– It’s the first night, it’s what you gotta do. No, it’s the other way. Independence challenge number one for Max and roommate dopey James – how to open a door. It’s a double lock. Do it, then. Oh, wow, it’s massive. We’ve got, like, a kitchen and everything. These rooms are tonk. This is sick. In the next room, ladies’ man Joe is shacking up with sensible Tom. We’ve got a kitchen. Have you got one? – Yeah.
– Got a kitchen, table, three beds.
– Oh, this is unbelievable. Domestics sorted, boozing begins. – HE BURPS LOUDLY
– Ugh, you dirty bastard. Is it not good? Tastes like old shit. – Did we wash it from when I chucked up in it?
– Urgh! No! – What way do we reckon the strip is?
– Don’t know. Just ask everyone. If we go either there or there, then chuck a left or a right… Independence challenge two – finding the strip. Let’s go this way. Let’s give it a go. Ah, OK. As the boys go in search of the bars, the girls touch down, and they’ve already got a game plan. – Can’t we buy a Greek dictionary?
– No. We just need to know how to say, “Can you buy me a drink?” And drink, yeah. Oh, it looks amazing. Oh, dear. If only there was a ramp. Yay! Is there a mirror in the bathroom as well? Oh, God. No, there’s not. Oh, yeah, there is. That’s fine, we’ve got two mirrors. Chani is settling in with her surrogate mother, Issy. Is it bad that I’m opening these, expecting to find, like, a dead rat or something? This isn’t the best accommodation that I’ve stayed in. It seems Chani is already missing the comforts of home. It could be worse… ..but I don’t think it’s… I don’t think it’s that likely it could be worse. – Oh, where’s my suitcase?
– Outside, where you left it. – Come on!
->Tequila, you lick. You drink and you bite the lemon. Max and the boys have managed to find their bar, a full 20 yards from the hotel. Yeah, free shots. Within half an hour, Max has had a taste of several holiday attractions. Give them two a kiss an’ all. I got molested by a girl, that’s the only way I can put it, molested, but no, it’s good in there. We…we enjoy the attention, so it’s fun. We’re getting free shots, free drinks, everything, so it’s good. Let’s hit Kos, girls. After two hours getting ready, Chani and the girls are finally ready to party. Ready – three, two, one. Chani immediately puts her money management plan into action, with several free shots. What’s the Portugal word for “thank you”? It’s… We’re not in Portugal honey, we’re in Greece. Her mission of maximum fun, minimum spend begins. Whee! People down there said they would give us free drinks, so I would like to go down there. Further down the strip, Max and the boys are also on a mission to drink to excess. CHEERING I can’t say I’ve done an upside-down shot before. That one was strong. It was fun, though. But the results are predictable. He’s…he’s thrown up everywhere. He has thrown up. Don’t lie, Max. I came out for a piss, and you’re like that – urgh! – That is known as a tactical.
– That is a tactical chunder. – Definite. Look at that in the sink.
– No, that’s not mine. That… – That is yours.
– That’s not mine. My…
– That is yours, Max. Oh, you’re disgusting. My chunder was orange, not red. She might be tipsy, but the budget-savvy Chani has sniffed out yet more free booze. Free drink! They’re buying us a drink. Thank you. Did you…did you put your tongue on it? No. I’m here! Free drinks! Issy tries to keep up with the boys at the bar. – Do you need to be sick?
– Yeah, let’s go. A bad idea. Issy’s going to be sick. I think I’m ready to go home. I’m tired… and I miss my mum. Oh… But what Chani doesn’t know is Mummy’s a lot closer than she thinks. The parents have landed in Kos. Hello, evening. Hi, I’m Andrew. – Andrew, I’m Shelly.
– Shelly, nice to meet you. Because Max’s mum couldn’t make the trip, his uncle Andrew has come along instead. – Hello, Geoff.
– Hello, Kim, nice to meet you.
– We’re sisters. – Right, and we’re brothers.
– Oh, OK. So it’ll be nice to see what they’ve actually been up to. I’d like to think I know what he does. They go out purely to get pissed. Chani’s never come home really, really drunk, she can’t have done. Well, I don’t… I mean, I’m there when she comes home, and she doesn’t make a sound. I think the next couple of days are going to open your eyes. How would you feel if you saw Max running down the high street naked? If they go skinny-dipping, they wouldn’t bother me. Oh, no, I just think it’s dangerous. – Kim wouldn’t like that.
– It’s dark. If they’ve been having alcohol… See, that wouldn’t do, really. Honestly. I have a fear of water, you see – that’s where that comes from. – I’m…I’m… I can’t…
– Not the fear of nakedness.
– Yeah. If you show me anything about Chani in the water, I need to see something after, to make sure that she’s actually out and she’s OK, cos I get… So, Chani can run into the sea naked as long as she’s wearing armbands? No, no. She can’t go naked anywhere! With Chani’s mum Kim already worried about pretty much everything, the parents head off to the hotel. Which is exactly what Chani is attempting to do. We are going home. Because Chani is too drunk, and Natalie… – Natalie is too drunk.
– Natalie is too drunk. I am perfectly fine. OK, do a roly poly, then. Ready? Yay! Well done, Nats! The free booze has blinded Chani to danger. Let’s get on. Where are you going? Chani! With no helmets, she and Natalie hitch a lift with a complete stranger. So, do you promise it’s safe? – Yes, I promise it’s safe.
– Nats? Two people. It’s her mum’s worst nightmare. SHE SCREAMS Just keep going down this road, just keep going. – Chani and Natalie are being taken…
– On a motorcycle and… And they’ve gone off into the distance. They’ve gone that way, and we don’t know where they’ve gone. I’m sure they’re safe. That was insane, that was so good. That was fun. That was so good, thank you. Thank you very much. I don’t think that was the most sensible thing. Who was that person? I think Poppy’s a little bit ill in the bathroom right now, which… Yeah. Pops? – Yeah?
– Um, just make sure you’re on your side as well. Recovery position. Yeah. Poppy? # Let’s go fucking mental! Na na na nah! Hey! # Back on the strip, Max and the boys are still going strong. CHANTING But it looks like wannabe Casanova Joe’s tactics need a little finessing. At least he hasn’t fallen victim to the lads’ strict drinking rule, though – spillage is lickage. Oh, for fuck’s sake. Spillage is fucking lickage. Spillage is lickage, mate. From there to there, that’s…that’s the deal. – Wahey!
– That is absolutely vile. It tastes like dog shit. Well, cos probably a dog has shit there. And it’s soon all too much for sensible Tom. – I’ll take you home.
– He’s going home! – Keep going, keep going, keep going.
– Just chill. The first night is always a sprint, and Tom couldn’t last the sprint. We’ll always look after each other. If one of us has to go home, we’ll take him home. With the parents settled into their hotel, they’re now desperate to see what their offspring have been getting up to. They’ve got to be out doing something, – but I hope it’s not too outrageous.
– Mm. I hope they’ll be the really good group, and the quiet group, – and then perhaps the boys will be the loud, rowdy ones.
– Yeah, I think. – One of them’s bound to have been carried home so far.
– Yeah. You know what, they’re young kids, they just do not know limits, so either carried home or just left in a crumpled heap somewhere. The moment of truth, I guess. Yeah… First up, the boys. – There we go.
– That ain’t tequila. All right, who’s going to drink it? Ooh, no. – Lemon.
– Tequila. Licking her tummy button! Oh, no, you can’t do that! Go on, Max, straight in! That’s taking… Oh… Ooh, that’s another one. – Two of ’em!
– Two! So have you ever seen licking of the tummy button? Yes. Yeah, that was being done 25 years ago. – Oh, not in places I go to.
– We went to the wrong places! We never saw that. – No.
– Don’t know where the belly button’s been, really, do you? Next instalment. Please still be standing. Oh, Max! Keep going, son! – What would that do for ya?
– No idea. Will it get them drunk quicker? He’s the party boy, isn’t he? He’s not looking good. I came in for a piss, and you’re like that – urgh! Oh, he’s been sick. – Has he been sick?
– Max has been sick. – That is known as a tactical.
– That is a tactical chunder. Does it bother you? At the end of the day, he’s out with the lads, and they are… they’re getting shots chucked down them, they’re not doing any harm. – No.
– They’re not upsetting anybody. – Yeah.
– When they were sick, they did clean up after him.
– Yeah. – They went to the bathroom.
– Yeah. Overall, I was quite pleased with Max. They got fairly drunk, which is normal for the lads when they’re out. Their drinking games… I see quite often at home… – That’s what boys do, isn’t it?
– ..when they go out. He’s not got into trouble, he’s not made an absolute arse of himself. He’s an 18-year-old lad on a lads’ holiday, where there’s alcohol involved. Time for mum Kim and aunt Shelly to check up on Chani. Ready – three, two, one. Ooh, that’s Chani. That’s Chani. Well, she doesn’t hang about, does she? I know! Blimey! There’s three drinks there lined up. SHE GASPS – It’s what they can get for 5 euro, isn’t it?
– Yeah. Why do they have to drink ’em so quick like that, though? Three – bang, gone! I’m going to try and stay sensible, but I’m not feeling too sensible now. Is this the first time you’ve seen Chani in this state? Really, drinking like that, yes, yeah. – So you weren’t expecting it?
– I’ve never seen her a bit slurry – with her voice at all, no.
– Right. I think the worry is, is they’re drinking them so quickly. Yeah, too quickly, much too quickly. That it’s…it’s not having chance to take effect – before they take the next one.
– Yeah. Is it safe to hop on? Oh, she’s not gone on a motorbike! Don’t get on the bike. Don’t get on the bike. – Ah, no, there’s two.
– Two of ’em on the bike. Chani, get off! SHE SCREAMS Ooh, my God! Oh, dear. Keep going. That was insane! – Oh, my God.
– Oh, dear! I wouldn’t have even thought she would have done anything like that. Makes me feel quite sick. Is that something that you’ll have a word with Chani about? – Oh, definitely.
– The fact she went on a motorbike without a helmet?
– Mmm. Yeah, cos I can’t even think what to say about it, really. – I’m surprised about the motorbike.
– Yeah. I’m surprised about that. I didn’t think that she’d go… – Yeah, I think Chani’ll have a ticking-off.
– ..on a motorbike. Yeah, that’ll be a big telling-off. I just feel so ill. Think I need to throw up. 11am, and after getting in at 3 o’clock in the morning, Max is nursing the mother of all hangovers, and today he’ll be getting his A level results. I’ll be all right in a bit. We hope. And for dad Geoff, who desperately wants his son to get into university, it’s going to be a long, nervous wait. If he gets into Brighton then it’ll be happy days. It’s his future. Finally, at 3.00 in the afternoon, Max rings a mate back home. ‘Hello.’ Hello, mate. You all right? He thinks he needs three Bs to secure a place at university. ‘Um, yeah, you got a B in business, ‘B in geography and a C in drama.’ Mm, that’s going to be a close one. I think it might be all right, hopefully. ‘I don’t know, I’ve seen ‘a lot of people who’ve got kind of one grade off…’ Oh, really? Fingers crossed I got into Brighton. Max’s probably a bit nervous not knowing whether he’s got into uni yet. I reckon he can do it. With no idea his dad has been waiting just down the road… Hello. ..he finally makes contact. Have you got your results? I got B, B, C. You sound a little disappointed, or are you just hungover? Er, I’m a little bit surprised I didn’t get the A in business, but I don’t know if I got into Brighton yet. I need to go on the internet to find out. So you’ll find out today or tomorrow, will you? I’ll find out today, yeah. Text me as soon as you can, so then I can give Mum the good or the bad news. All right. See ya later. ‘See you later.’ Slightly disappointed for him, really, cos he wanted Brighton, so he’ll know this afternoon once he gets online and checks on the internet with UCAS whether he’s…whether he’s got the place guaranteed or not. So the ball’s in his court now, at the end of the day. Later that afternoon, Max heads off to the internet cafe to discover his fate. Yes! Get in there! “Congratulations! Your place at the University of Brighton “to study geography has been confirmed.” – Is that Brighton?
– Yeah. He’s in! Well happy. So happy I got in, thank God! Time to celebrate… with a testosterone-fuelled holiday classic. – This looks like the place to me.
– Yeah, this is it. But Max hasn’t texted his dad with the news. So, desperate to find out more, Geoff has raced to the track to spy on his son. Max has no idea his dad’s just yards away. – Max is now third.
– Go on, then, son. Just finished driving and they’re straight on the beer. – I don’t know, at this stage, whether he’s got Brighton…
– Or not. Or not got Brighton, and that not knowing is… is killing me at the moment. I would like to hear whether he’s actually got it. As soon as I went on the website, I logged in and I was trying to find out. Here we go. I’m just glad I got in. He’s in! He’s in! I did it, thank God. He’ll probably be so happy, he’ll be like, “Yes! No Max for three years.” Well done. Well done. What are you texting him? Went to the internet cafe earlier, got the place at Brighton. Happy days. It’s everything Geoff had hoped for. His son will now be the first person in the family to go to uni. I am over the moon, absolutely over the moon. This is what he wanted. So he’s not taking a year out. HE CRIES CURSES UNDER HIS BREATH – I am so happy.
– Just get the shots in. They’re all talking about getting the shots in. Oh, I’ve got it, I’ve got it, I’ve got it. Magic. Absolutely magic. And then to get a text, cos he obviously doesn’t know that I’m only 20 yards away, he probably could have heard me bawling my eyes out if he’d been listening. I might get pissed tonight as well, actually. As the sun goes down, the girls glam up for another night on the town. And as ever, they’re watching their money. I might take some alcohol in my clutch bag. We’ve got our pre-drink. Shall we start like having a drink now? Yeah. We’re going to make ourselves some pre-drinks here and then I think tonight, we’re going to try and find the cheapest deals we can. Just so we can drink as much as possible, really. Tonight might be about free drinks but Chani’s learning a valuable lesson on budgeting, which is key to her future independence. If I move house, I need to look at bills and things like that, so I definitely need to budget my money and make sure I’m not spending on pointless things. The girls set the mood for the night with a drinking game. I have never had sex in a public place. Anyone who has ever…sips a drink. I have never had sex in my parents’ bed. THEY LAUGH Why is everyone looking at me? – Are you sure, Cha?
– No, I’ve like canoodled! Three, two, one. After their warm-up in the hotel, the girls get into the swing of things on the strip. Do it one more time. But tonight, they won’t be alone. Chani’s mum and her aunt are heading their way. I like the first mini one, it’s safer. Kim wants to see first hand how her little girl really behaves on a night out. CHANTING Chani! Chani! Chani! With Chani poised to put on a performance, she has no idea her audience includes her mum, who’s watching from across the street. Can you hear them? I can hear them. CROWD CHEER I could get where you might want to do it in a fitness club, but not in front, where everybody can see you though. – She’s not uncovered.
– It’s not bad, is it, no?
– No, no. At least she’s no skirt on. Ooh, no! Ooh, dear. Oh, no, she’ll have burns between her legs tomorrow. – No, they get bruises.
– Huh! – They get bruises.
– Pinches your skin. SHE SQUEALS What do you think, Kim? Don’t understand why you’d want to do that round a pole, when it just pinches and pulls your skin. That’s not proper dancing, though, is it? It’s…it’s really hard. What are you doing? I still can’t believe they’re only just there. Do you think we ought to get going before they see us – or leave the club?
– Let’s get going before they…
– Yeah. Yeah. It’s 2.30am and Max is continuing to celebrate his exam results on the strip. Uni! Chani and the girls head for their next bar, and by chance run into the boys. Char-ne! Char-ne! Chani? And it seems Natalie has caught Max’s eye. Man, that brunette is so fit. They’re all right, they’re a laugh, them. My mission is to get Natalie and Max together. If Max was like up for it, she would, like, do anything, like, literally anything. After a few drinks, and a bit of flirting, Max moves things on. We’re going to the beach with the girls. I don’t know where the boys are. Are the boys coming? Ugh, shit! Careful. Argh! Nats, careful, you’re scaring me. Yes! I did it! We are getting in the sea. It is going to be so cold. Max in his shorts. And it’s not even that cold. Oh, what, are you going… are you going in fully clothed? Watch my beers! Watch my beers! Oi, what’s Tom doing? Thomas. Hello, Tom. Signed a contract to be boring. Since when, if someone didn’t want to go in the sea, are they boring? If you were in the sea with some hot girls, I’d jump in. INDISTINCT CHATTER GIGGLING It looks like Poppy’s wish for Max and Natalie to get together might be coming true. – Are you having fu…?
– Oh, my God! Oh, my God! He’s holding her hand. He’s holding her hand! He’s holding her hand! How was that for you, honey? Me and Natalie had a little kiss. – We’ve just gone swimming.
– Nats finally got on it. – Max got…
– No wait, Nats got with Max. THEY LAUGH – Are you going to knob her?
– Are you going to secret seal it? – Fucking hell, man.
– Seal the deal.
– You lot make me cringe. Signed, sealed and delivered. The old in out, in out. After a quick change, both the boys and the girls hit the all-night bar. While Natalie dances, Max gets cosy with a different brunette. A girl has jumped at me, can’t complain. Good news! With Natalie side-lined, Max now goes for broke – with a blonde. And by 7am, things are getting steamy. – Is that Max?
– That’s so funny! – Are you jel?
– No, I don’t want to. Don’t hate the player, hate the game. I don’t know what’s going on. we’re just getting some food at the minute and maybe drop her back off… Her room’s above Downtown, drop her back there, go back to mine. HE CHUCKLES Natalie and Max didn’t really go anywhere. They were on it before he walked off with someone else. THEY LAUGH – Such a gent!
– True gent! Ooh, there’s a girl I like, I’m going to get with her. Ooh, wait a minute, there’s another one, let’s line them up. What’s your friend’s name? HE LAUGHS No! Nah. Babe. After going walkabout for a couple of hours, Max has rejoined the lads back at the hotel and they want a full debrief. Deal wasn’t sealed. Yet. I think the foundations were laid. Max had a good night. Well, he went the furthest, got a little blowy. Are you a gentleman? I like to see myself as a bit of gentleman, not a prick. Whether dad Geoff thinks the same remains to be seen, as the parents are gathering together for the next instalment of their kids’ antics. I just hope they don’t get too drunk and come home with a tattoo that they regret. Worse thing? a 75-year-old granny at the back of a bar, I guess. Oh, mate, Ads, you can’t say that. But first, it’s the girls’ confessional. I have never had sex in my parents’ bed. – So they have to drink if they have.
– Huh! If they have. – Ooh, no!
– Ooh, dear. I’m not looking. THEY LAUGH Do you know, I’ve, like, canoodled. The news hasn’t yet sunk in for Kim that her daughter’s been getting down and dirty in her bed. Cos if you’re thinking of the same thing as me, it was barely sex at all! GEOFF LAUGHS And you didn’t know that Chani had barely had sex, but canoodled, in your bed? Ooh, ooh, I didn’t know it was in my bed, no. I do know that Chani has had sex, but not in my bed. What…what’s the difference between doing it as a 18-year-old with contraception in a hotel bed behind your back, or doing it in your house? I think it’s because that’s my own personal space, if Chani was in my bed. – It’s a respect issue.
– Yes! – Having sex in your own…in…
– Parents’ bed.
– ..Your parents’ bed. – Yeah.
– That would disappoint me. – Yeah.
– Yeah. Right, shall we carry on? At home, obviously, I would have help with budgeting my money. Yes, you would, Chani. I took your bank card away from you. At home, I pay for, like, my phone bill. Being here, it’s made me realise that when I get a job I will need to step back and look at the things like that and sort of, like, budget my money. Yeah. If she wants something, she buys it, even if she hasn’t got the money for it. – So who picks up the tab?
– Me. With the phone, you see, she got behind with her phone bill, so that’s why I had to take her bank card away from her – and keep it for four weeks.
– This could now be a turning point. Now it’s Geoff’s turn to discover how Max treats the opposite sex. – Hello! Taking them skinny-dipping.
– They’re going skinny-dipping. Who’s that with Max there? I think it’s Natalie. Me and Natalie had a little kiss. Was that them just passing by? – Yeah, so the girls and the boys together.
– Yeah. She’s happy. I don’t think that’s Natalie, cos the girls are sat outside. Who was that? And the girls are clearly here, being filmed, look. – Yeah, the girls are outside.
– Ah, yeah. Oh, another snog. That’s not a very flattering look, is it, honey?
– Do you want to untie me, then? No, I’m going to leave you there. I still can’t get over him walking up. I’m tied down to this chair, getting spirits forced down me and he walks up. I’ve been in the back of a van watching you go-karting, I’ve watched you tattooing. What is it with the mangina thing? LAUGHTER – I’ve got to have a few words with you.
– All right. Cos some of the stuff I do need to talk to you about. It’s not that bad. – Come on, then, give us a hug. I’m nice and wet and sticky.
– No. I am going to have a couple of words with him with regards to his drinking and, er, he has been a little sod while he’s been out there. He’s certainly made the most of the female attention he’s had while he’s been out here. Geoff finally gets the chance to tell Max how he feels about two things in particular. We spoke about the tattoo before you came away, didn’t we? It will make me laugh every time I look at it, anyway. But I…I was slightly disappointed that you had it done, but it did make me chuckle. You have drunk excessively… amount this week, er, and I know it was a boys’ holiday and some of those nights, you drunk an unbelievable amount. You were doing three, four, five, six shots in minute. And then when you had that “head fuck” the other night, when you walked away you, you didn’t know where you was, did ya? 20 minutes later, I didn’t know where I was. I can probably forgive you for this week, but I wouldn’t like to think you’d do that on a Saturday night when you’re at home. Well, no, I wouldn’t. You know I don’t drink this much at home. – No.
– Do I come in every night, hammered?
– No. Come September, you go to Brighton, just curb the alcohol, drinking as much as you can. – Just don’t waste…
– Yeah, I know, I won’t. ..this opportunity at Brighton. Exactly, I’ve got into the place I want to be, – I’ve got halls right next to the sea.
– Have you really? – Yeah.
– You lucky bugger. It’s been a wicked week. We’ve had a right laugh, all of us. It will definitely be a week to remember. I mean, I’m not going to forget where I got my camel toe done. I still love the boy to death and he’s not let me down at all this week, to be honest with ya. – You haven’t done bad.
– Come on, son. Love ya. Well done. I’m just glad I didn’t embarrass myself too much. – Let’s go and have a beer, it’s all…
– Let’s go and get smashed. Maybe things haven’t changed that much in 25 years after all. – Like father, like son.
– I hope not! THEY LAUGH Next time… SHE YELLS ..two very different 18-year-olds. I fingered that bird’s gash. Smell? ..escape their parents… HE SHOUTS ..for an explosive holiday in Zante. Can we have just five minutes? Just so I can go outside and scream. Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd