What Happens When Cops Go Hipster? | Silverlake Vice Squad with Pauly Shore and Jay Mohr


– It’s no secret that when
you two were partners, it was an absolute
nightmare for everybody. But officer Callaghan is get… Hey. Hey. – You see these guys? – Pay attention. – He can’t fucking pay attention. He’s stupid. – There’s criminals on the wall. – Listen to me! – Listen to the fucking
chief and shut your face. – Pay attention. Pay attention. – Hey. But, officer Callaghan is
getting married in Marin County because he’s a person, and people do that. Much as I despise hearing these
words come out of my mouth, I need you. – I’m not working with this
tired version of Ricky Schroder. – You sleep on your stomach, I’m going to wake you up
with my dick until you vomit on my balls. – Do you guys want to
die behind your desks, filing paperwork for
busts other cops make? What the hell’s the matter with you two? What happened? Stan, Rick was your best
man at your wedding. – Yeah, until he fucked my wife. – Ex-wife. – Not at the fucking time, you cocksucker. – It wouldn’t have been
hot if she was your ex-wife at the time I wanted to fuck her. I wanted to fuck her
because she was your wife. She was hot and brand new. She was wearing white. She had a garter on.
– Can we punch his face? – She had a garter on! What am I supposed to do with the garter? – It doesn’t matter. We’re partners. – Don’t fucking– Don’t touch me. – Bygones, okay? Bygones! Sit down. – Me?
– Sit down. – What did I do?
– Sit. – Yeah, I wanna sit down. – Sit. – Yes sir. – I need you to infiltrate
a molly ring in Silver Lake. – I don’t know who Molly is, but if she lives in Silver Lake, I’ll find her and I’ll infiltrate that. – You gotta dress like hipsters. – You know my life? It’s become a nightmare. – What’s this, a fucking
Nancy Drew mystery? “My life? “Dear Diary–” – [Stan] Just get in the car. – What fuckin’ car you talking about? Do we get our guns back after this? – Get the fuck out. – Okay. (“I’ll Be Around” by The Growlers plays) ♫ Yes, I’m only a man ♫ Judgements of something ancient ♫ Clocking my time as finished ♫ The same as all replacements – Coachella. Hi. Do you have any soda pop? – They literally sell
that in every store in LA. This is a juice bar, and see that? That’s the back of the line. Wait in it, get to the front, and maybe I’ll serve you
something if I feel like it. – Take it easy, kale
jockey, get his drink. – Did you just call me a kale jockey? – Toddler lesbian, serve my friend, or I’ll smash your face in, okay? You fucking kale jockey. – Whoa, whoa, whoa. – You know what, dude? Anger is so post-911. Get in the back of the line, jackass. – I like you. – That guy’s an idiot. – [Rick] You’re an idiot. – Fucking Spirulina? – Who the hell drinks this
disgusting shit anyways? – I’m uncomfortable. – You know what? Get an orange juice. – I’m going to get orange juice, and I’m going to get vodka
from the liquor store, and I’m going to get screw drivers, and we’re going to be hammered by lunch. Let’s get drunk. – Yay, it’s you guys. – Listen, we’ve never
been here before, okay? So we’re just trying to
figure out what you think we should get. – Oh my God. I recommend the Face-Melter. Oh wait, God already beat me to it. – All right, you know what, Chaka? – Your friend looks like
a cricket with glasses. – Whoa, whoa, whoa. – Come on, buddy. Come on. – No, no, no, no. That’s okay, I’ll get a Face-Melter. What’s in it? – Cheyenne pepper, ginger, oregano oil. Helps the immune system. You’re sick, right? You look really sick. I know what to get you. – Mmm! Mmm! You’ve gotta try this. – I’m not going to try
that hippie bullshit. – I’m telling you, it’s
fucking really good shit. – Oh, that’s a Wah-Hawkin
Sunset Acai Bowl. You know what makes it so good? I laced it with mollies. – Hey! Everybody on the floor! You are all under arrest! – The fuck? – Ha ha! – I make less than a teacher! – Hmm! No! Ahh! – See ya later, suckers! (screaming) – Yeah! This reminds me when we
accidentally took acid in a Del Taco parking lot. – My face. My face is melting. – You know what? We’re going to get our guns back, buddy. – Pew, pew, pew! Pew, pew, pew!